For the Lurrve of One Prince
by Crack Monkeys
Summary: You refused to leave it alone. You beat all of us over the head with your delusions. Well, here you go: Utena x Touga.....let’s see what they think about it.


Disclaimer: Not our characters obviously. The Crack Monkey is not against het in Utena, only dramatically stupid mischaracterization and sap-without-plot.

*At Ohtori Academy...well, duh*

Akio sat on the couch and stared gloomily at the planetarium in front of him. There had to be a way to defeat that girl. She had managed to get past all of his other plans. If only she was....more...docile...hrm. He smirked and chuckled.   


"I have a better idea this time, dear sister," He said to Anthy looking very pleased with himself.  


"Uh huh," Anthy responded. God, he was boring.  


Akio walked over to his desk on the far side of the room glancing in the mirror to make sure his smile was sinister enough before picking up a small delicate crystal rose on a long slender silver chain. 

Staying in shadows to increase the dramatic flair of his movements, he handed the necklace to his sister. 

"Give this to Utena for me."  


"Hai, onii-sama." God, he was all talk... blah blah blah, give things to Utena, blah blah seduce the Victor, blah blah blah End of the World. She was so damn sick of it.  


He smirked again and resisted the urge to burst into a long stream of maniacal laughter. He sighed and sat down. Mindless drone of a girl. Simply beastly. He didn't know why he slept with her.  


One of these days, Anthy reflected... one of these days he was going to be Ohtori's Dickless Wonder. If she could get the Dios no Ken away from Utena long enough.  


Akio waved a hand at her dismissively.

"Go....NOW!!!!" He hissed at her in the tone of a cliche über villain. "Give her the necklace."  


"Hai, onii-sama." Dickless Wonder. That would suit him perfectly.

*A little later, elsewhere*

Utena wiped her brow as the game of basketball ended. Her team had won of course. She smiled and waved at Anthy.  


Anthy waved back, the same wooden smile plastered across her face.  


Utena ran over to her like a happy puppy. "Konnichi wa, Himemiya" She smiled at her cheerfully once more.  


"Konnichi wa, Utena-sama! I see you won."  


Utena blushed. "Hai."  


"That's wonderful, Utena-sama--"  


"Well, well, well," a fantastically deep voice boomed from somewhere behind Anthy.  


Utena groaned loudly. What was with the guys at this school and the elaborately staged entrances? 

"Hide me," she muttered to Anthy.  


"Wonderful performance, Utena-chan," drawled Touga Kiryuu, making his way towards her across the basketball court.  


Utena whimpered like a kicked puppy and hid behind Anthy. Couldn't that red-haired lummox get it through his massively dense forehead that she was sooooo not interested in him?  


"Touga-sempai!" Anthy chirped.  


"Konnichi wa, Himemiya," he smiled, then turned his attention back to Utena. "How about having lunch with me today, Utena-chan?"  


"Go suck a lemon," Utena said unpleasantly...though he seemed to ignore her lack of interest and misinterpret it. What a moron! 

She murfed seeing Saionji out of the corner of her eye fixing Touga with a longing look and then her with a glare. She shrugged, Saionji could have Touga.   


"Ohoho... is that so, Utena-chan?" Touga grinned lasciviously (as if he knew how to grin any other way).  


"Very much so. Go ask Saionji to have lunch with you." 

He could have Touga forever. Saionji could eat every meal with Touga, sleep with Touga, comb his hair, take showers with him, do whatever he wanted. 

Ugh...Utena thought she would be sick from all of the mental images. She turned green and stayed behind Anthy.  


The idea was tempting, but... he shook his head. "Now why would I do that?"  


Saionji sighed reveling in the angst that was his existence and went to go scrub the floor of the kendo room. Though he was beginning to get weary of this past time. Not to mention how much his knees ached. The skin on his hands was a raw-red from endless hours scrubbing them too. Oh well. He marched off towards his gruesome fate determinedly.  


Somewhere near where Saionji had been sitting, Miki clicked his stopwatch. "A new record."  


"Because I am busy eating lunch with Himemiya," Utena said in a 'no duh' voice.  


Saionji scowled at Miki. "Idiot."  


"Then the three of us can have lunch together," Touga purred.  


"No. No we can't," Utena said shaking her head. "Let me simplify it for you." She pointed slowly at herself. "Me lesbian." She pointed slowly at him. "You prick. Any questions?"  


"Lesbian? Kinky." Touga grinned. "I know what you'd _really _enjoy, Utena-chan--"  


Akio watched all this in shadows jumping silently up and down in impatience.  


"Killing you?" Utena said in a sad whimper.  
  
"Oh, Utena-sama--oniisama asked me to give this to you!" Anthy smiled. Best to just get it over with...  


"The necklace," came a disembodied voice from the right of Anthy. "Give her the necklace for crying outloud!"  


Utena was confused. She scratched her head.... "Ummm....okay....."  


Anthy pulled a small box from--somewhere, it didn't matter just where. "Here! For you!"  


Utena blushed. "A-arigatou, Himemiya, but....I didn't get you anything." She ignored Touga.  


"Oh, no, Utena-sama, it's from my onii-sama!" Hah. Let the bastard weasel his way out of that one.  


"Just put it on!!!!!!" The voice screeched from behind Utena.  


Utena looked around for the voice, shrugged and put the necklace on.  


All of a sudden....wow....Touga was pretty good-looking.....oooo....she wanted him....didn't quite know why...didn't seem like a good idea...but oh well......  


Touga smirked at her. "It looks lovely on you, Utena-chan."  
"So would yo---" Utena put a hand over her mouth. Wha? What was going on?  


Touga's grin was smug. "Why, Utena-chan. I never knew you cared."  


"But I do. I always have. You're my prince." Utena inwardly gagged as she threw herself at him. This seemed...rather silly to her....  


Touga took the opportunity to grope her as she flung herself into his arms. Oh, yes, baby. They always gave in, in the end.  


Utena sighed happily and wanted to beat herself senseless. She looked over her shoulder at Anthy.  


Saionji walked past them again. Out of soap for the floors again. He had a feeling he was becoming obsessive-compulsive.....He stopped in his tracks and let his jaw drop as he stared at Utena and Touga.  


Anthy merely shrugged, though inwardly she was swearing a blue streak at her brother.  


Utena sighed...so much for getting any help from her. She saw Saionji and waved at him. Maybe he would come and kill her and save her from Touga.  


"I love you," she said to Touga while doing so. Oh gross! Why did she keep doing that?  


"Utena-chan. I love you, too." Touga took the opportunity to grope her again. Yes sirree, it was GOOD to be the campus playboy...   


Saionji glared at her......His Touga. His stupid, mean, cruel.....hrm....on the other hand....  


Utena managed a winning smile and then gave Saionji a 'You can kill me just get me away from this loser' look.  


Saionji pondered why he liked Touga, missing her look.  


No! Eye contact bad. Touga turned her face back towards him. "How about a kiss, my love?"  


"Of course, my prince" Utena said while jumping up and down to get Saionji's attention.  


Akio chuckled to himself in the safety of Anthy's shadow. Which was odd, because Anthy was about two feet shorter than him.  


"Ah, excellent..." Touga grinned and proceeded to dive in for a lengthy game of tonsil hockey with his rose-haired beauty.  


Akio blinked...doh....he scrambled over to Touga's shadow cackling as he did so.  


Utena gasped into the kiss after gently returning it...what the hell was Ohtori-sama doing? She gave him a confused look as he hid in Touga's shadow cackling like a mental patient. She tried to talk but Touga's tongue was in the way. This was just not her day.  


Saionji looked at them like he thought they were all insane especially the lilac-haired man who was muttering to himself about killing Utena while he giggled like a hyena.  


Touga grinned into the kiss. Oh yes, this was a very good day.  


Utena threw her hands in the air in frustration as the kiss continued on and on....this sucked.  


Anthy tried not to look bored. Which she was. Well, bored and grossed out.  


Akio wiped at his eyes...hrm...that green-hair ed guy had a nice shadow. He ran to hid in it. Saionji yelped and ran behind a tree.  


"I just need to borrow your shadow, " Akio cried out as he chased Saionji in a circle around the tree. "Get away from me, you psycho!" Saionji yelled running from him.  
Touga ignored him and continued to kiss Utena soundly. Ahhh... sweet, sweet love. He savored the sweet taste of his victory... er. Well, it kinda tasted like leftover tuna sashimi, but that was beside the point.  


Utena mentally growled at him but kept up the kiss.  


Akio huffed and puffed as he chased after Saionji around the tree once more. "You'd think I was asking for the world. I just want to borrow your shadow for a moment."  


Miki clicked his stopwatch again. "Interesting..."  


Saionji stopped, "Just a moment?"   


"Yes, yes, yes. Just a moment," Akio said catching his breath.  


"Okay....but you can't borrow it forever," Saionji said crossing his arms.  


Akio looked perplexed. "Why the hell would I hide in your shadow forever."  


"I don't know. I just don't want to be the eternal thing I'm looking for," Saionji said.  


"You...are...an odd one," Akio said standing in his shadow going back to rubbing his hands in glee.  


Utena finally pulled away... "Can't breathe...."  


Touga grinned. "Then recover your breath... and I shall take it away again." Yep yep, he was Mr. Slick...  


"Oh please no," Utena said softly... "I mean, yes, yes, my prince. Anything you say."  


"Ummm....I need to go get soap for the kendo floors, " Saionji said after a bit. "Shhh....do that later," Akio said peeking out from behind him.   


Touga gave her a radiant smile. "Anything, my princess?"  


"I suppose. Under one condition," she managed in spite of the crystal rose around her neck.  


"Yes?"  


"I think we should see other people before we commit to each other..." she said smirking.  


Touga blinked several times. Aw, crap.  


"Don't you think so, my prince? Explore our horizons. Make sure..we're...right for each other."  


"But... but..."  


"But?" Utena asked batting her eyelashes.  


He coughed. "Err... I, ah..."  


"Well?" she asked running a hand along his chest....hrm.....she supposed this could work. He was almost as pretty as a girl....she could have him wear dresses...  


Anthy filed her nails.  


"Uh, I..." Damn. Touga couldn't find any loophole. "I... I suppose..."  


"Okay," Utena said. "And I think you should wear a dress, baby."  


Touga blinked... and then fainted.  
Akio sighed disappointedly. "Hrm....blast. Foiled again. Oh well. Come along and sleep with me, Saionji so my day isn't a total loss."  


"Excuse me?" Saionji said eyes widening.....he backed away from Monsieur Baka.  


Utena nudged Touga awake with her foot.   


"I'd rather sleep with Utena," Saionji declared running over to hid behind her and Anthy.  


"Gee thanks," Utena dead-panned.  


the end?


End file.
